Love, Logic, and Hermione
by star bunny
Summary: The line between love and logic is not clearly drawn, especially where Hermione Granger is concerned.
1. Chapter 1

Hello, readers! I decided to take a break from the strictly canon world of DM&tWW and humor my muse. I've been meaning to do a R/H fic for a while now, and the inspiration just hit. So sit back, relax, (review!) and be prepared for a rough ride as Hermione discovers the not so linear relationship between love and logic. 

Love, Logic, and Hermione   
by: Star Bunny (bunny28@hehe.com)   
Chapter 1 

Why is it that the older I get, the more useless my brains become? It seems that every year, I discover some new dilemma that cannot be answered by reading a book or utilizing a formula. 

Point in case: Love. 

This is my current problem. And I've been over the facts again and again, but I must be missing something, because they just don't add up. At first I tried to analyze the personalities of every boy I thought had potential to be a good match. But something must have been wrong in my analysis, because my perfect personality match was Percy Weasley. Not that I have anything against Percy, but... well, honestly! Anyone with brains can see that Percy and I would make a horrible couple -- complimentary personalities or not. But as I am **never** wrong in my calculations, I decided to give us a chance. I spent time with him, attempting to get to know him and to start thinking of him as a potential boyfriend. Two weeks into the project, I was thoroughly tired of his endless chatter and dominating personality. He is a fine friend, but nothing more thank you very much! 

After that rather frustrating incident, I changed my strategy. Perhaps the one for me is not the one most _like_ me, but the one who is most _unlike_ me. This theory was quickly discarded, as Draco Malfoy had about as much chance of dating me as did a Chimaera. I went through a rather disturbing phase in which I stooped so low as to consult star charts and birth signs, but I refused to believe that I was destined to marry Colin Creevy! 

During this time, I read something that indicated that a girl is most likely to marry a man who is like her father. Time for a strategy change. I made a list of the qualities I admired about my dad and began to look for them in the boys at Hogwarts. May I just say that either my father is one extraordinary man or the young wizards at Hogwarts have quite a bit of maturing to do! There was not one who could hold a wand to my 'dear old dad'. But then I had a breakthrough -- brilliant it was, if I do say so myself. I was most likely to date someone I spent a lot of time with! So which of the boys I knew did I find myself with time and again? 

Quite obviously Harry and Ron, but since I couldn't bring myself to **choose** between them, I crossed them off of my list. Bad idea on my part. Rather unfortunately, the next name was Neville Longbottom. Hmm... either my theory was incorrect, or I really needed to stop helping him so much with his assignments. 

Must be the theory. 

To make a long story very short (as I seem incapable of ever doing), I eventually decided to list every boy I knew and cross them off as I discarded them, beginning with the least likely (ie Malfoy). Much to my dismay, I managed to find a reason to cross of every one on the list. There must have been someone out there that I would be willing to date! 

At long last, I was able to reinstate three of the names to the list out of sheer desperation: Victor, Ron, and Harry. This I could work with. I would simply make a list of the pros and cons of dating each of them, weighing the results logically and voila! I would have my answer. 

Sadly, Victor had too many cons (I never was one for long-distance relationships) and had to be crossed off the list. And then there were two. 

How in the world was I supposed to choose between my two best friends? Well, the choice _seemed_ obvious enough. After all, the hero does always get the girl. And all Ron and I ever do is fight... Still, there had to be more to this decision than a simple list of pros and cons. Attraction, for example. 

On second thought, scrap that. I needed to stick to the basics: observation, analysis, logic, and conclusion. Hmm.. sounds a bit like a Muggle science project, doesn't it? Statement of Purpose: To determine which of Herminoe Granger's best friends is most suited to be her boyfriend. Hypothesis: erm... think I'll skip that one for now. Procedure: Yet to be determined, but sure to be effective and logical. After all, what important decision is made sans logic? 

Apparently this one, because - as you will soon see - love, logic, and Hermione make a strangely volatile solution. It all began one day in Transfiguration class... 

~~~ 

Please read and review! Constructive criticism is highly coveted, as it makes my story better.   
Bunny ^_~ 


	2. Chapter 2

First off, I want to thank everyone who's reviewed! I think this is the most reviews I've ever gotten in a week... A huge thank-you goes to lise, for your help. ^_^ 

I'm ashamed to say that when I posted chapter 1, I had **no idea** what I was going to do with the rest of the story -- not even what happened in Transfiguration class. I never write a fic without knowing where I'm going with the upcoming chapters, but this fic was originally supposed to just be a one-parter. But the more I wrote, the more I realized that Hermione was too complex a character and too intelligent to come about this the easy way. Ergo, I decided to write yet another ambitious chapter fic. Good luck to me. 

Oh, and for those of you who were concerned about the pairings, I'm a huge Ron/Hermione fan -- the only fic I've read that has made Harry/Hermione seem even _remotely_ possible is Cassandra Claire's series, and she's the rare exception. So no worries! 

Love, Logic, and Hermione   
by: Star Bunny (bunny28@hehe.com)   
Chapter 2 

My father loves Chemistry. For those of you who are unaware, Chemistry is a Muggle science much like Potions, but mixed with a dreadful concentration of Math and formulae. And my father is crazy for it. His undergraduate degree at his Muggle university was Chemistry/Pre-Med, and while he loves his dentistry practice, his first love has always been Chemistry. I remember as a child seeing a sign in his office that read, "Love begins with physical chemistry." Always the inquisitive child, I had to know what exactly was the correlation between love (the least academic of all sciences) and Physical Chemistry (aka P-Chem, Thermodynamics, _I'll never get out of this class alive_ - to quote my mother). He would never tell me, saying that I would understand when I was older. I now spend most of my time in the wizarding world, and might never fully comprehend this mystery. But perhaps I had just come one step closer. 

Professor McGonagall was in the middle of a lecture on size approximation when transfiguring large objects - very important to know for the N.E.W.T.s. But for once, I was not paying attention. I'm berating myself even as I write this, for I can just imagine the outcome if I were to form a habit of daydreaming through class. I had only read the material through twice before, and I was sure to have missed something very important. As it was, I spent the next three weeks doing extra Transfiguration homework to make up for my lazy attitude. 

But at this moment, my mind was far from size approximations. In fact, I was thinking about Potions. Love Potions, to be exact. Chemistry is a bit like Potions, if you will remember, and I had just had the idea that perhaps -- if love truly did begin with Physical Chemistry -- the same could be said about Love Potions. Of course, I didn't want to _brew_ a Love Potion - that was against Hogwarts rules - but I was certain that there were properties of Love Potions that could explain what made people fall in love. Yet again, I congratulated myself on my brilliance. Well done, Hermione! I would have a boyfriend by the end of the month, for certain. 

Unfortuantely, McGonagall chose that moment to ask me a question. 

"... the result be? Miss Granger?" 

I jerked my head around to face her, a blush creeping up my cheeks. "Erm… would you mind repeating the question, Professor?" I whispered, horrified to have been caught daydreaming. Through my humiliation, I could hear soft gasps and a few snickers from my classmates as they realized what I had just said. Professor McGonagall gave me a stern look, and then faced the rest of the class. 

"Five points from Gryffindor, Miss Granger, for not paying attention. Perhaps one of your classmates would be able to help you. Mr. Thomas?" 

Dean answered correctly, prompting McGonagall to give back the five points, but I was still mortified. Never, in all my years at Hogwarts, have I missed a question. And I have certainly never lost any points for Gryffindor for being anything other than a model student in class. I inwardly cursed the hormones which were making me act like a foolish adolescent. It was quite obviously their fault; I was certainly not to blame. 

After class, I quickly headed to the library, intent on avoiding Harry and Ron at all costs. I had undoubtedly given them all the bait they needed to tease me for the next eleven years. Safe in the library, where Ron especially wouldn't think of setting a foot, was the only place I wanted to be. 

I had soon surrounded myself with a pile of books on Love Potions (_L'amour Brille Au-dessus du Feu*_, _A Concise History of Love Potions_, _The Magic of Love: 10 famous love potions_, _The Life and Works of St. Valentine_, etc) and was completely engrossed. I loved old books. I would get lost in the language: words like hitherto, animadvert, triturate - it was no wonder that Harry and Ron thought I was nothing more than a brain. I enjoyed looking for words I didn't know. In fact, it was sort of like a treasure hunt. The more I read, the fewer words I didn't understand, and the more I would have to read to find new ones. 

Ten minutes into my studies, I had already learned that there were several key ingredients in any love potion: billywig stingers (usually ranging from ¼ to 1 ½ stingers, so as to promote the giddy feeling but not enough for full levitation), phoenix tears (to heal broken hearts), baby unicorn horn (for an honest devotion), and dragon blood (for courage). There were many other ingredients, but these four were common to all. 

Let's see... what have we learned? Falling in love produces a giddy feeling, but requires honest devotion, courage, and the laying aside of hurts. Some of the potions included a piece of the person that the drinker would fall in love with (much like a Polyjuice Potion), but a surprising number relied on dormant feelings within the individual to choose with whom they fell in love. This was all very fascinating, and I was quite anxious to begin analyzing the data so that I might soon formulate results. I was just opening the last book, when... 

"_Love Potions?!_" snorted a voice behind me. I turned around to see Harry and Ron sporting identical expressions of ill-concealed amusement. Harry was the first to laugh. 

"Was this why were weren't paying attention in McGonagall's class? You were thinking about _Love Potions?_" 

"Now Hermione," Ron snickered, "I thought you would know better than to brew an illegal Love Potion. We've been rubbing off on her, mate," he whispered sotto voce, but I knew that he meant for me to overhear him. 

"Very funny, Ron." I rolled my eyes for effect. "You know that I wouldn't actually brew a Love Potion. I'm just doing research. For a project." 

"If I had known Snape was giving out projects like that, I might try a little harder at Potions!" Harry winked at me, fully anticipating the blush of righteous indignation that sprang to my cheeks. 

Well, honestly! The two of them were practically rolling on the floor in laughter, and all at my expense. 

"Oh, Hermione!" Ron cried dramatically, clutching his hand to his heart and falling to one knee. "It must be the Potion you snuck in my pumpkin juice this morning. I'm madly in love with you!" 

"Well, then," I replied frostily. "I must have tampered with the wrong goblet." 

I instantly regretted staying this, as the grin on Ron's face flickered to be replaced with a hurt expression. This lasted only for a second, though, before the confident look came back. 

"What's that Muggle expression you're always using, Hermione? _Floyd Slip_, or something like that?" 

"Freudian Slip," I replied automatically, before the full implication hit me. "_Ron!_ For the last time, I am _not_ brewing Love Potions. But were I actually to brew them, you can be assured that I would know _exactly_ which goblet I slipped it to." 

Ron looked like he really wanted to reply to that, but Madame Pince had had just about enough of our outbursts and was striding towards us purposefully. 

"Out! This instant! Students are trying to study!" Her eyes narrowed as she noticed my reading material, and gathered the books up to her arms in a huff. We filed out of the library silently at being chastised, but I was especially glad for the interruption. Perhaps this would give me the time I needed to sort out this mess. 

~~~ 

_* - Love shines above the fire_

Fifteen house points to those of you who noticed either my two very vague allusions in this chapter! One of Hermione's books (the french one) was adapted from the french version of The Lion King (L'amour Brilles Sous Les Etoiles -- love shines under the stars, or Can You Feel the Love Tonight). The second was a quote adapted from You've Got Mail ("I get lost in the language: words like thither, mischance, felicity..."). They belong to their respective creators, and not to me. 

Thanks for taking the time to read and review! Constructive criticism is highly coveted, as it makes my story better.   
Bunny ^_~ 


End file.
